By Hiram K. Rampersaud / Caribbean Voice
Every 98 seconds an American is affected by some form of sexual violence.
Sexual abuse is any kind of sexual activity that you do not agree to, including:
inappropriate touching, vaginal, anal, or oral sex. It can be verbal, visual, or anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention. Examples are voyeurism (when someone watches private sexual acts), exhibitionism (when someone exposes him/herself in public), incest (sexual contact between family members), and sexual harassment. It can happen in different situations, with a stranger in an isolated place, on a date, or in the home with someone you know.
Why people don’t report Sexual assault?
Non-reporting is actually the norm when it comes to sexual assault. According to Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network statistics, only one in three sexual assaults is ever reported to the police. College students report a mere 20 percent of their sexual assaults — elderly victims, 28 percent.
A survivor’s relationship to the offender plays a key role in the likelihood of reporting. Research by the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics indicates that if the perpetrator is or once was the survivor’s intimate partner, the victim will report the crime 25 percent of the time. When the offender is a friend or an acquaintance, 18 to 40 percent of the assaults are reported. If the offender is a stranger, victims report assaults roughly half of the time.
Why don’t victims bring charges against their accusers?
According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, here are some reasons sexual assault survivors don’t come forward:
• Victims fear retaliation.
• They believe the police won’t believe them or wouldn’t do anything to help them.
• They feel the assault was a personal matter.
• They believe it was not important enough to report.
• They don’t want the offender to get in trouble.
• They don’t want their families or anyone to know.
• They don’t have enough proof.
• They’re unsure of the perpetrator’s intent.
In addition, victims may feel responsible for what happened to them, or embarrassed about their lack of knowledge or judgment. They might feel guilty that they had too much to drink or were engaging in a risky, inappropriate behavior. And young victims living at home might worry that their parents will be angry and unsupportive.
Unfortunately, keeping sexual assault a secret interferes with the survivors’ healing and empowers the predator who might well continue with that behavior. By sharing the trauma with supportive professionals, friends or family members, they can begin to reclaim their lives and bodies and eventually move past the pain and ensure that sexual predators are brought to justice and others are protected from them.
What to say to someone who was sexually assaulted?
The Rape, Assault & Incest National Network suggests using these specific phrases when talking with someone who discloses she or he was sexually assaulted. “I believe you. It took a lot of courage to tell me about this.”
Victims may feel ashamed and worried they’ll be discounted. The best thing you can do is listen and believe them. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything to deserve this.”
Survivors may blame themselves, especially if they know the perpetrator personally. Remind them that they are not to blame. “You are not alone. I care about you and am here to listen or help in any way I can.”
Provide a safe space for the telling of their stories. Assess if there are others in their life who can also be supportive. “I’m sorry this happened. This shouldn’t have happened to you.”
Acknowledge that the experience has been traumatic and has negatively impacted their lives. Statements such as “This must be really tough for you” and “I’m so glad you’re sharing it with me” encourage further communication and let them know you care.
And if the victim is child parents and caregivers must always believe what children say. Immediately establish a plan with other adults so that unsupervised contact with the person who has abused is eliminated. Help the child understand that the person who abused them did something wrong, and that this person needs help to stop hurting others. Pay close attention to the child’s cues about what he or she may need to feel safe. You can also help the child feel safe by demonstrating your willingness to protect their privacy. And get help immediately!
PS: Catch our Internet radio and FB live program The Mind Body Connection every Monday on Island Zone Radio from 8 to 10 PM with hosts Shanaz Hussain and Hiram Rampersaud. Log on to The Caribbean Voice Media page on FB for videos of all programs. Also The Caribbean Voice can help you access help for any and all mental health issues. Please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org, call 646-461-0574 (Annan), 917-767-2248 (Hiram), 631805-6605 (Shanaz) or 516-286-8952 (Dr. Rodney). Also check out our website at www.caribvoice.org for more information.
The views expressed in this column are solely those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the THE WEST INDIAN.