ONDRIVE with SHAM SAMAROO
No one gave them a chance. They are rookies, they said. They don’t know how to play well with others. They live in the privileged world of money and wealth. Besides, Washington, I mean the World Cup, is a whole different ball game. They cannot win. Doesn’t this all sound very familiar? It should. It is exactly what was said about Donald Trump. But wait, there is more. The holier-than-thou media wrote them off too. They ignored them. And the anointed one, their favorite team, was given daily prime time coverage.
Australia was going to win by a landslide. And India? They mocked them. They are a joke: drop the microphone! And, oh yes, the polls did not give them a chance either. Hillary, I mean, Australia, was going to win by a country mile. But the Indian seamers, Mavi, Porel, and Nagarkoti had no fear because “the Wall”, Rahul Dravid was going to be there.
Taking a business-like approach, Coach Rahul Dravid and his team defied the gloom and doom predictions of fake news. It will be an embarrassment for India, fake news kept on saying. And their loyal viewers, drunk with their fake reports, fake polls, and fake predictions fell for it “crooked”, line, and sinker. India kept on winning, round after round, debate after debate. In the opening game of the primary, they sparred with Australia.
Hillary played bat and pad close together, but the Donald kept coming at her like an express train. Dave Martin and the Tradewinds said the Donald must think he is Kamlesh Nagarkoti, or the man from Antigua, Courtly. And the ones, in the crowd, start to sing very loud: lock her up Donald, lock her up. But the kangaroos kept encouraging Hillary: hit the ball donkey, hit the ball. Cover drive elephant and make him bawl. Hook the man like Shubman Gill before he put you in jail. To some surprise, India trumped Australia in that first game. Winning the toss, India confidently stepped to the plate. Openers Shaw (94) and Kalra (86) hammered an imposing 180 for the first wicket. Shubman Gill coming at three continued the assault with a blistering 54 ball 63 as India signed off on 328 for 7.
Then the Indian seamers took over: Mavi and Nagarkoti sent Australia “stumbling” out the door to defeat – all out 228. It was pace like fyah from the rookies. Suddenly it was Australia who couldn’t handle the heat. Taking a page from the Donald, India said it was bigly. But the Aussies said that it was no big thing. It’s just the first round. Hillary joined in saying you can put half of their supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables.
But the deplorables kept on winning through the preliminary. Still, fake news continued to peddle their bogus narrative: Donald can’t win the Big Dance. Wait until they meet the real deal, Hilly. He will be destroyed. They are accustomed to playing on home-made wickets. Besides, they have no experience playing this type of game. They are out of their depths. And the Clintons? Oh, they have been there so many times before, and won. But ONDRIVE kept asking questions. The fix was in. Just ask Donna Brazile.
Then the big day came: decision time. The Aussies said they playing regaal style (first ball is a free hit). They love the FBI (First Ball Insurance). It gives them a heads up on the opposition. Besides having the FBI on your team is like taking out insurance just in case you die before 40. The Donald cried foul. What the hell is regaal, he asked. Starboy said regaal is banana republic cricket (first ball nah count). Big bacanal. Time for the third umpire to rule, but the DOJ, oops I mean the DRS, was on Hillary’s team. But the Donald, confident like the rooster with a smile upon his face, said never mind, let’s play ball. India was out the gates in a flash. Crazy Bernie was scratched before the race started.
The Aussies recovered from a horrendous start and kept things interesting for a while. At 183 for 4, the liberal snowflakes started dancing in the street: girlfriend had it locked up, fake media assured them. But the Indians had the trump card, Lord Shiva Singh and Anukul Roy, their two left-arm spinners. Aussies get eye turn. Wickets kept tumbling like Hillary’s state count. From 183 for 4, they slumped to 216 all out. Porel. Nagarkoti, Singh, and Roy were the wreckers in chief with two wickets each. Needing 217 states for victory, the Indians came out all guns blazing. As the runs started flowing, it was all trumps for India.
At 131 for 2 with almost 29 overs left, the Indians needed a mere 86 for victory. It was time for the fat lady to sing, but guess what? Fake assured her the result was still in play. India easily marched to victory but the Aussies just wouldn’t accept that the Donald had the better team. They had to strzok him down – remember the insurance policy, just in case you died before the age of 40. Starboy seh the Aussies put in their bogus claim – Russia collusion. But the Tradewinds had the last word: Donkey turn to the crowd, and said very loud. Lemme me tell you, all you talking bout hit the man, but all you backsides safe in the stand – send some other jackass to bat, this jackass finish wid dat. And with that, donkey head for the bushes and India, for the Cup. I done.
The views expressed in this column are solely those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the THE WEST INDIAN.